I think it’s time for another blog post, mainly to explain why on earth I’ve not yet released the book that was ready for release ages ago!

But first, a bit of background. So, back in December, the success of A Christmas Outing surpassed my expectations, flying high in the freebie charts during its launch week. The comedy short, which focused on a teenager's coming out to his dysfunctional family, was well-received and I wasted no time in writing a sequel - titled This Crazy Thing I Call My Life - which I have since edited and passed on to several kind people (who’ve thankfully been positive about it!). The book is basically ready for release. So why the delay?

Well, life got in the way, and um… more writing. On a train to London a few weeks ago, I started typing a scene from a book I’ve had in mind for some time. This has evolved somewhat rapidly and now stands at over 30,000 words. I’m really pleased with it so far and it will be my second novel, the first being FAG.

So what can I say about this novel? The title and cover I’m keeping under wraps for now. (Sorry!) But I can tell you that the opening chapters are set in pre-war Berlin. I’m really enjoying researching and writing it, even if some sections are tough (emotionally). I’m hoping I can draw you, the reader, into this dark and tense world, on the brink of so much horror, much as many of you were drawn into the claustrophobic boarding school life of FAG. If anything, I think this next novel will take you on an even bigger rollercoaster ride!

Okay, so now I need to promise that I’ll release the other book, the comedy sequel (which works marvellously as a standalone story!) soon. So… I promise. I just need to read through it once more and decide how I’m going to launch it. But it will be soon!

And then it’s on with finishing the new novel. I can’t wait to share more details with you soon.

Thanks as always for your support and patience. And in the meantime, below is an exclusive extract from This Crazy Thing I Call My Life.

Jonathan

I remember dancing and falling and laughing and then I remember walking home in boxer shorts and holding a leg torn off a pair of jeans. I remember waking and I remember the queasy thrill of finding his library card in the pocket and knowing that I’d have to see him again to return it.

This is how it began.

Not how it properly began, of course. It began, as things so often do, the night before, but this is how it began in the sober light of day.

I know I’ve just used the word ‘began’ a lot. You know that thing when you suddenly take notice of a word - actually properly take notice of it? And the letters start to sit uncomfortably alongside one another so that you’re not even sure you’ve spelt it right, or that it’s even a word? That’s what it’s like with me now.

Began.

It doesn’t look right. Or is it just me?

I think it looks more like a Bulgarian first name. Or maybe an exotic food that you pretend to like because it’s exotic, but in reality prefer to taste your own vomit, which you may well do after eating the aforementioned exotic food.

My English tutor at secondary school told me always to open a piece of writing with a hook. “If you lose your reader in the opening paragraphs, you lose him for good,” he’d said, his tweed jacket reeking of tobacco. I remember wanting to ask him what had happened to the female readers, and also why the hell he was wearing a tweed jacket at the height of summer. But I wasn’t suicidal.

I’m well aware that the award for Best Hook will never be given to the overuse and resulting re-evaluation of the word ‘began’. I like to think of it as a little two-fingers to my English tutor (RIP), who never gave my essays more than fourteen and a half out of twenty. The half mark, he’d written in his old-fashioned just-about-legible scrawl, was for the uniqueness of my idea that Bill Sykes in Oliver Twist was a closet homosexual. (Which was why - spoiler - he killed Nancy - so he could be with Fagin.) In fairness, my essays
were rubbish, but still…

​Anyway, I sense I’m losing you already, so let’s get back on track. It began - no, started - with finding his library card in the pocket of half a pair of jeans. And so opened a new chapter in this crazy thing I call my life…

I've been tagged by friend and fellow author, Bernard Jan, to write a blog post on writer pet peeves. As you're reading this, it means I have accepted the invitation, and am always keen to get a bit more use out of my website.

Before the whinging begins, I should add the disclaimer that not even an infinite number of pet peeves would make me give up writing. The process of writing and publishing, and the resultant reactions of a real-life reader elicit a response more potent than any drug.

So, what pet peeves do I have as a writer? As I sit here in my writing room, the blackness of night having descended at some ridiculous afternoon hour, an IKEA desk lamp illuminating my laptop, writing a blog post about pet peeves, I’d perhaps feel fraudulent quoting lack of time as my biggest peeve. Why, I hear you cry, do you not write your books instead of this, admittedly witty and thought-provoking, blog post?

But lack of time is a real issue, of course. However, that aside, I’ll try to pluck from my mind several other annoyances involved in being a writer. And, it being night, please don’t expect a structured post. It’ll be a mind vomit, but I’m a writer and I can claim that it’s for artistic effect, right?

Okay, you need to write a new character. Why, out of all the names that exist in the world, do you only remember about five first names? You finally choose one. No, can’t have that. That was the name of the hero in your previous six books. (This is why random name generators are useful.) 

So, you’ve banged out your first draft (steady!) and now you have to edit the thing. The first edit feels good as you see things coming together. The second edit is good too. You’re tidying things up, tying up loose ends. You know the story pretty well by now. After all, you wrote it. Any further edits which may well be necessary are nevertheless a form of torture and sometimes you’d rather gouge out your writerly eyes than edit the damn thing. And so what that you noticed your character was wearing two different outfits in the same scene? You know the story inside-out, back-to-front and upside-down. There are times when you feel sick at the thought of looking at your book again. And yet, of course, you do.

Christmas came early for me last week when I released my latest book, A Christmas Outing, a comedy short story. After battling with infuriating technical issues, I was finally in a position to announce publication last Sunday. I made the decision to release the story free for the first five days, mainly as a thank you to you readers for your support over the past year. What followed exceeded all my expectations.

A Christmas Outing went on to hit well over 2000 downloads throughout the five-day period and, at its peak, it was #26 in the overall Amazon UK charts, #1 in short stories, #1 in gay literary fiction and, over in the US, the book hit #1 in the LGBT short reads chart. In both the UK and the US, this was my most successful book launch yet.

'But the book was free,' I hear you cry. 'You won't have made a penny from the 2000+ downloads.' This is true and at the same time not. Of course, I didn't make any money directly from the promotion, but sales of my other gay literary fiction books - FAG, Pride, Not Just a Boy - have been boosted. How long this will last, I cannot say, but it's hugely rewarding to witness, knowing how much hard work has gone into every book publication.

I thought it time I updated my website as I see that the homepage still advertises The Anniversary as my latest release. Since then, I have released another book (alongside Kath Middleton) - Is it Her? - a duo of novellas, each inspired by the same enigmatic painting. The book has been critically well-received and such great feedback has re-confirmed that writing for readers is a complete and utter joy!

​I'll confess. I did write this blog post a short while back and am now adapting it just before publishing it as much of it was out of date when I came to it just now. (Printer still in box, word count less than it is now, apartment floors not a danger to this author's legs etc...) So apologies if it seems disjointed. It is, in fact, being edited and updated much like my work in progress! So it aptly reflects what I'm doing at the moment... although the book is better, I promise.

Today I edited the first four chapters, adding around 2700 words and titling the chapters as I went. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the chapters will be titled and not numbered. I have to say, for someone whose mind wavers all the time about his writing, I'm pretty darned pleased with it so far and have printed those edited chapters out again, just in case my paranoia of computer failure turns fact and also because I didn't think there was enough paper covering my floors.

So... onward with making this first draft a seamless novel. I can't wait to share it with you!

Hi folks,

It's been a while! Before I get my teeth into my big 2016 writing project, I would like to announce my next book release, an exciting collaboration with my friend and fellow author, Kath Middleton.

​While looking for artwork for my apartment, I stumbled across an artist whose work immediately struck me. Rod Buckingham - check out his work here - is a talented painter of busy Lowry-esque scenes and calmer, more contemplative pictures. His enigmatic painting 'Is it Her?' graces the cover of the book and Kath and I have each written a novella, without collusion, inspired by the scene. Two very different stories now sit side by side!

The cover and blurb, along with quotes from the book, are below. I hope you like them.

​Jonathan

One painting
Two authors
Two very different stories

Inspired by Rod Buckingham's enigmatic 'Is it Her?', Jonathan Hill and Kath Middleton present two novellas, their own takes on this painting.

Is it Her? - Jonathan Hill

The celebration, as Violet so determinedly put it, is falling away before their eyes. Her attempt at buoying up everyone has resulted only in her being drawn farther into a web so complex that no one thread can ever lead to the entire truth. Violet. Cliff. Tom. Jack. Each holds and withholds. Each knows and doesn’t know. Each chooses what and what not to say. The picture can never be complete for any of them. Never.

Tonight four sit round a table playing cards. Tomorrow two leave to fight. Over an evening already fraught with tension, emotions run deep and life-shattering secrets threaten to escape.

Is it Her? - Kath Middleton

I’m quite ashamed to remember how rarely we spoke about the politics of the day. The dark cloud that loomed over all our futures. We were simply looking the other way.

Frank and Vera fall in love the summer before the war. They vow that when it's all over they'll marry. But war has a way of tearing lives apart.

Coming soon...

Author and illustrator Katie Stewart has come up with something I can only describe as genius. Merging famous people with animals, she has come up with a delightful book that appeals to young and old alike. Here, I chat with Katie and ask her some fiendishly difficult questions!

Katie, you obviously have a passion for animals. What's your favourite animal noise?

Well, I can honestly say I haven’t ever had to answer that question before! I hope you’re not expecting a humorous answer, because I’m actually going to wax lyrical. There’s a little bird here in Australia called a rufous songlark. He’s plump and quite drab in his colouring, but he turns up every year at the beginning of spring and sings the sunshine in. It’s not a tune you could repeat, it’s a bit like a two-year-old singing to himself, but it’s so full of joy that I listen for it at the beginning of September every year and get a thrill every time I hear it. 

You're clearly a talented writer and illustrator. But if you had to choose just one of those to continue with, which would that be and why? (I never said this would be an easy interview.) 

Thank you for the compliment, Jonathan, but not for this question! It’s a bit like that one, ‘If you had to be blind or deaf, which would you choose?’ I think I’d choose to be an illustrator, mainly because I’m a visual thinker, so the process of illustrating, for me, has one less step involved. People tell me (some happily, some complaining) that I write visually, but that’s how I see my stories – like movies working themselves out in my head. To write them down, I then have to find the words to translate the pictures. It’s harder – and I’m lazy. Illustrating is just a matter of copying what’s in my head, no translation involved. So it’s the easier choice.

I’d miss writing, though!

I bet you would. And apologies for the evil question! Now, if you could be an animal for the day, what would you be and why?

I think I’d be a cat. We have three cats at our house, two who live outside and chase mice in the barn and one who lives inside and chases mice in the kitchen. At least, that’s the theory. In reality, they all spend all day dozing wherever they find a comfortable spot and only wake up when they want their bowls filled. I think I could live with that arrangement. 

And if you could be a famous person, alive or dead, for the day, who would you choose? 

Another difficult one, but maybe it would be good to come back as Jeff Bezos, the boss of Amazon. If I were him for a day, I would spend the whole day telling everyone in the company about this Australian writer/illustrator I knew called Katie Stewart who is so brilliant and deserves to be given every opportunity to sell millions of books. I’d arrange world-wide advertising, contracts (giving Katie Stewart a huge percentage for royalties), I’d speak of nothing but Katie Stewart for the whole day. Then the next day, as me, I (as myself again) would humbly answer the email from Amazon asking if I’ll publish under their imprint at 90% royalty (to me) with a ‘Oh, you’re so kind’ and rake in the money for as long as the bubble lasts. 

Unfortunately, all the time I was writing that, there was a little character sitting on my shoulder, shoving blunt sticks into my ear. So here’s the more boring answer my conscience wants to give – and my conscience always wins. If I could be someone famous for a day, I’d be Rupert Murdoch. I would insist that every news story for the day was a positive one, that no one would be hassled, bullied or hounded for a story, that people would be treated with compassion and seen as real people, not just another story. Then I’d give away all my money and assets and retire to a small cottage somewhere unremarkable.

Neat answer! And who could argue with the first part? I mean, you've merged famous people with animals... it's genius!

What's your favourite famous animal creation so far?

In Famous Animals Volume 1, I think it would have to be Felix Mendelsswan. That’s why I used him on the cover. But now that I’ve done over three quarters of the illustrations for Volume 2, I think my favourite overall is Fred Astairedale. He has a certain class about him, I think.  That’s not to say I won’t paint another overall favourite next week or next month. I’ve really enjoyed painting them all.

Excellent! And it's great to hear that a second volume is well on the way. Thanks for sharing this image of Fred too. Isn't he good?